Everything is Competitive

Pour a Colortini and watch the pictures as they fly through the air.

For the first time in my life, I posted something on a Facebook group of which I am a member. Like others, I am interested in the Conan O'Brien-Jay Leno thing (is it really a feud between them?). On Monday night, Jay Leno gave what I think he believed to be a heartfelt speech about "show business" but really, probably tried to keep the issues over the heads of the very viewers both he and Conan enjoy (let's face it, neither are Tom Snyder). A good blogger would post the youtube clip, but if you're going to read on, I assume you either saw it, or are just reading on to see what pop culture references I make.

Below is a transcript of the 9 minutes that followed after I typed the following (tongue so far in my cheek I was licking the bookshelf) into the I'm with Coco Facebook page:

Leno just appealed to my sense of 'it's show business' ... now I understand and will leave this group and join the Leno one. Wow, he really is a great guy that Jay Leno...

With all names but my own protected, and no corrections made, here's what ensued when the proverbial puck was dropped (and because I think I write plays, let's present it as such):

ACT ONE

DAVID BROCK
Leno just appealed to my sense of 'it's show business' ... now I understand and will leave this group and join the Leno one. Wow, he really is a great guy that Jay Leno...

JOSH
but sometimes it's about the people. CONAN'S CREW WILL LOSE THEIR JOBS.

ANITA
~sarcasm~

JUSTIN
Lame!

JOSH
see, conan said he'd rather leave the network than make this about business. he has a sense of integrity that leno just showed he doesn't have.

SONY
lol

TODD
Wedon't need you Dave.

TIMOTHY
If that speech moved you, I'm glad you weren't born in Nazi German, you sheep.

JOSH
and "my sense of 'it's show business'" is a sense devoid of heart and compassion, and if you truly don't CARE, then you can leave and we won't even miss you. it's because we CARE that we continue to fight.

BARRET
That's fine, leave! Moron!

END ACT ONE

Analysis: It only took me five minutes to be called a moron. Most of you didn't come to this conclusion for at least a few days after meeting me. At this point my heart started beating...every athlete knows this rush: adrenalin.

ACT TWO

DAVID BROCK
Timothy, what's this Nazi Germany you speak of? Sounds interesting...do they do a version of Jaywalking or Headlines?

CHRIS
if "show business" is code for "lack of principle" - you can have it.

JOSH
here's what amuses me about you: you say you'll move to the Leno page, and yet you're still here. this tells me your intention is provocation. i want you to respond to this argument: CONAN'S CREW WILL LOSE THEIR JOBS IF THIS GOES DOWN. They all moved to L.A., they moved their families, and they put all their hope in this new show, and THEY WILL ALL BE JOBLESS. Respond!!!

AMY
I'm thinking maybe David is just being sarcastic?

DAVID BROCK
People of the internet (to pay homage), you're silly. Special thanks to Amara. Glad to amuse you, Josh; your three exclamation marks have inspired me to stay. And to Amy as well.

PAUL
Those of you who don't understand that David is using sarcasm deserve to watch Leno.

JOSH
WHOOPS. I am REALLY REALLY sorry, man. I absolutely suck at reading sarcasm online. That one's totally on me. Didn't mean to overreact I just was a little too pissed off at Leno to think clearly.

DAVID BROCK
It's okay, Josh, I didn't download that new sarcasm punctuation my internet provider is trying to sell me for 2 dollars. I figured an ellipses and an ignorance of Nazi Germany would be enough to tip my hand (well done to Timothy for proving the internet theory that every mild disagreement will find its way to the word Hitler or Nazi).

JOSH
lol. that one's DEFINITELY on me.

BLACKOUT

Analysis: Anyone who watched football this weekend recognizes what happened here. Sides formed - trash talking ensued and only females and Paul supported me. When all was said and done, two quarterbacks (me and JOSH) met in the middle of the field, and shook hands. For a few minutes there, we were rivals, but it was just a game...it's just a game.

Good game, Josh.

Inspired by my foray into online flaming, Jay v. Conan, and an actual category on Jeopardy tonight, the next few entries will be about great rivalries in sport, entertainment and literature. Excited aren't you? AREN'T YOU?

Postscript: I wasn't completely proud to be a Conan fan on this one given the company, but I accept it was all in good fun. That said, I now feel that sense of being part of a group where everyone is kind of insane and therefore, maybe I am too: this sense of awareness must be what people who go to Berkley or live in Portland feel like when they realize they are still Americans.